Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake."
"No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking."
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."
From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
So he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send Billy a $5.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Billy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.
Our four-year-old son speaks English and German, and he has picked up some Cantonese since living in Hong Kong.
One day I was getting ready to take him to a rugby game. His mother, not being a rugby fan, planned a quiet afternoon at home. Our son, however, pleaded.
"Come on, Mommy, you must come."
"I don't understand the game," she replied.
"But it's in English, Mommy!"
A little boy was very naughty and would not say his prayers before going to bed.
One day his father warned him that if he kept doing so. He would not go to heaven. The boy cried noisily and said, "I don't like to go to heaven alone. I want to go with you and mama."
At the art museum the sign "Hand off" was displayed before the statue of Venus. It was very easy to notice.
A small child looked from the sign to the statue and said disinterestedly, "Anybody can see that her hand has fallen off."
A small boy was asked, "Who was the first man?" He promptly replied, "George Washington."
When his brother reminded him of Adam, the boy replied unhappily, "Oh, I didn't think you were counting foreigners."
Little Peter is a boy of nine. He began to go to school the year before last and now he's in Grade Three. He lives not far form the school, but he's often late for class. He likes watching TV in the evening and goes to bed late, so he can't get up early in the morning.
This term Mrs Black, Peter's aunt works in Peter's school. She teaches Grade Three English, She is strict with Peter and often tells the boy to obey the school rules and come to school in time. Yesterday morning Peter got up late. When he got to school. It was ten past eight. His aunt was waiting for him at the school gate.
"You're ten minutes late for the first class, Peter," Mrs Black said angrily. "Why are you often late for class?''
"Every time when I get to the street corner, I see a guidepost. It says, 'SCHOOL--GO SLOW'!"
One day, the teacher inquired Peter: "How much is four minus four?"
Peter was tongue-tired.
The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?"
"The hole," replied Peter.
Teacher: Name some of Thomas Edison's contributions to science.
Students: If it weren't for Edison, we'd all be watching television by candle light.
Mum: Look at your socks. One is short, the other is long. You must have put on the wrong ones.
Xiaodong: I am not wrong. I look at there others socks. One is short and the other is long, too.
Son: Dad, give me a dime.
Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes2?
Son: I guess you're right, Dad. Give me a dollar, will you?
In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, a teacher asked one of the boys, "What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"
"To be deaf," replied the boy.
"Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.
"Why, sir! Don't you know that the famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully.
有人说英语里的Complete和Finish是一个意思，韦伯斯特老师反驳道：你娶了正确的人，You are complete；你娶了错误的人，You are finished；你娶了正确的人，但却和错误的人偷欢，还被逮了，You are completely finished。
Farmer Jones picked a big red apple and handed it to the boy saying, "Watch out for worms.""When I eat apples," replied the boy, "the worms have to watch out for themselves.
A Catholic was explaining to a Unitarian Universalist friend how dogma was formulated in the Catholic Church. "First it is debated by the Church authorities. Then, when the debate is ended, whatever was decided upon is declared dogma by the Pope.""It's pretty much the same with us," said the Unitarian Universalist."I thought you didn't have dogma?""That's because no debate among Unitarian Universalists ever ends!"
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，> 忙说：I am sorry.> 老外应道：I am sorry too.> 某人听后又道：I am sorry three.> 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?> 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas.He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule." The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?." The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "OK, you old coot! now, it's my turn."The old farmer smiled and said, "No I give up, you can have the duck."